tooleztofunction:

This scene was brilliant perfect amazing written by Jesus.

willsicott:

tuxedoandex:

ugly:

What do you call the security guards outside Samsung shops?

what

Guardians of the Galaxy

lesbeeanmovie:

greencarnations:

cinematicsymphony:

This is so accurate. At school, we literally have children who will watch our facial expressions to see if them falling is as bad as they think it might be.

CORRECT CHILD INJURY PROCEDURE:

  • do not react. at the most, maybe wince and go “ooooh”
  • go over to the child to assess panic level and severity of injury
  • if they’re like, dying, remain calm, but they’re probably not.
  • look them in the eye and ask, “you okay?” they will nod. possibly all teary-eyed. then ask, “are we gonna need to cut it off?”
  • the child is thrown off. if they giggle, you’re in the money. if they do not, put a bandaid on and do some sympathetic patting. they are probably a little teary. let the sad little bug sit out for a minute. they will quickly get bored.
  • works every time

"sad little bug" is the cutest and most accurate term ive heard used to describe a child because sometimes bugs are kinda super cute sometimes bugs are really fucking annoying and sometimes bugs are downright TERRIFYING

swoobats:

alphabet soup more like times new ramen am i right

amysfall:

we need a universal hand signal for “my parents don’t know about that”

muggleland:

*pats bed seductively* this is where the magic happened *stares off* all seven harry potter books

shouldnt:

Ariana Grande sounds like a font on Microsoft Word

trickztr:

unclefather:

you want a man with a strong jawline so you have a sturdy place to sit

image

holiday-club:

‘Can’t we just be deatheaters?’

thefoxxnextdoor:

My thing is, have sex whenever you decide to want to have sex. You want to have sex on the first night, go ahead. You want to have sex after 20 dates, go ahead. You want to never have sex, go ahead. People think that someone’s sexual choices actually coincide with their personality. If all you can think of someone’s worth is whether they want to have sex or not, then the problem is probably you.

lilypottar:

Hey babe are you a hippogriff? Because I need to respect you before I mount you

©cp